Valentines Day: Keys to Relationship Harmony and Romance Survey Results

Unfortunately, it takes more than hypnotic allure to maintain a relationship. Understanding what your partner really wants is not always simple.


Although for a lot of people, Valentine’s Day is a fun day, the activities that people enjoy are hardly a realistic snapshot of a day in day out relationship.


So what are the secrets of a healthy and lengthy relationship?


Let’s start with a fascinating research finding.


Dr John Gottman is probably the most famous researcher in the area of couples. One of his classic experiments involved him watching couples  interact and being able to predict with 94% accuracy, which couples would remain together and which would separate within 3 years.

To learn how the experiments was set up… watch this video.

What he discovered by watching the couples was that there is a magic ratio of 5:1 positive to negative interactions that needs to occur for a relationship to last. These interactions can be anything from facial expressions, gestures, words, touches and so on.


For more about this… watch below.

So how can we avoid relationship conflict. I’m going to give you three essential tips and strategies that I use when working with couples, but also apply to any relationship including business, friendships and so on.


Tips to Create Greater Relationship Harmony

1. Make a real effort to praise your partner in as many different ways as possible. Smile, hug, kiss, pat them on the back, offer encouraging words and demonstrate genuine appreciation. In a sense, this is a big part of Valentine’s Day. Presenting your best and most considerate self. When it comes to praise, make sure it is genuine (only offer it if you mean it, and if possible, specify why you are praising them) – e.g. ‘thank you so much for making dinner reservations, I know you had to take time out of your already busy day to do it, so I really appreciate it’.

2. Don’t jump the gun! Solid relationships are ones where impulsive negative reactions are mitigated. Often angry conflict occurs from a miscommunication. How can you prevent this? By asking this simple question when you are starting to feel upset.

‘What do you mean by that?’

Or, if someone appears to be upset at you… ‘what do you think I meant by that?’

Sometimes, they have interpreted what you have said correctly and that has caused upset because it violates one of their beliefs. However, often the interpretation and the intention are not the same. Always attempt to understand the person’s intention by asking for clarification. It will prevent a lot of conflict.

3. Develop relationship taboos. There are certain standards that must be maintained no matter what. E.g. Do not insult the other person’s character (calling them stupid, dumb etc) and NEVER THREATEN THE RELATIONSHIP WHEN ANGRY. Never threaten to leave the other person during an argument. It always causes unnecessary doubt. That does not mean that you can not have a serious discussion about whether you wish to remain in a relationship or not, but never bring up this possibility during conflict.


Any questions or thoughts on this post, feel free to comment.


P.S. In case you’re reading this post and thinking, ‘ah just tell me what I should get my partner’, don’t worry, if you’re stuck on things to do, here are some ideas. 



2012 Romance Survey

3 Responses to “Valentines Day: Keys to Relationship Harmony and Romance Survey Results”

  1. Jan

    Just be totally French and say “L’amour c’est l’amour”. 🙂

    • aleks

      Maybe you’re right. Looks like Gottman wasted 30 years of his life researching this stuff!

  2. Jan

    Yep. Love is what happens while you are busy trying to figure out why it happens.